#you can even have a lot of fun with it!! I love getting high with my wife and watching movies and making fun of them - oh they didn't

[lovecla]

© property of lovecla, nhl masterlist, nico hischier x you:

FAKE IT ‘TILL YOU MAKE IT, game plan:

➴ chapter warnings: none <3

➴ word count: 1.5k

💌 from me to you: and here’s the first chapter of fake it ‘till you make it! posting this sooner than expected in honor of last night’s game. can you guys believe we have nico hischier as our captain? how lucky are we? anyways! i hope you all like this! (the posting schedule will be just like TYPA, every other day!) ♡

𖧷

WHEN YOU tell people that being friends with a hot, young NHL player isn’t at all that great, all they do is look at you like you’re batshit crazy, and give you one hundred and fifty four arguments trying to make you, someone who’s been friends with a guy who’s been a NHL star player for the past few years, see how wrong you are.

You love Nico Hischier. You really do. You met him when you were just eighteen, being friends with his sister, Nina, and immediately locking in with Nico. He’s the sweetest, kindest and most loving man you have ever met in your life, and now that you’re twenty-three, almost twenty-four, you can see how rare men like Nico are.

But now that he’s a famous player, captain of an entire team and known for being one of the hottest men in the NHL, you sure feel like you’re paying a high price for being in his life.

Not in a bad way, though. It just sucks to see the amount of women throwing themselves at his feet, and what sucks even more, is knowing that he won’t even blink an eye at them because he’s head over heels for Nora Ellis, a crazy girl he met two years ago at a party.

Nora is beautiful, you’ll give him that. And usually, you wouldn’t be upset with him having a crush. In fact, you and Nina are always encouraging him to engage in new relationships and meet new people, so that he isn’t only worried about his job.

Nora. She’s the most beautiful black woman you have ever seen. She’s intelligent, she’s funny and she knows things about Hockey like no one else— being the daughter of one of the most talented coaches in the NHL does that to you, you guess.

The only problem with Nora Ellis is the fact that she only cares for men who are in a relationship.

Married or dating, she doesn’t care. Her only goal is to make them give up on their partner to be with her, and once she gets tired of them, she finds another mission to busy herself with.

Nico doesn’t seem to notice that. To be fair, no one really does. She can be very subtle and discreet, and the only reason why you caught up on that in the first place is because every party you go to, you try to blend yourself with the walls, so you don’t get too much attention on yourself.

Nico always tells you to stay by his side and mingle with his friends, but by the end of the night, you’re always sitting near the bathroom door, with a drink in your hands, watching the party unfold with attentive eyes.

And turns out that a lot can happen in the bathroom of a party full of NHL players and Nora Ellis.

So you know she’s not good for him. You’ve tried to talk him out of it more times than you can actually recall, but it’s a dead end. Nico’s in love with her, and has been for two years now. He won’t give up on her unless something really drastic happens, but since Nora is really good at what she does— destroying relationships for fun—, nothing will ever rise to the surface.

“She’s so… pretty,” Nico sighs, sitting on the couch beside you, making you sigh and put your book down, not forgetting to mark the page you were in. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you.”

You smile, touching his cheek, watching with awe as his dimples appear. “It’s fine, Dimples.”

He rolls his eyes as he always does when you call him that, and continues.

“You’re the only one who still listens to me ramble about Nora,” he pouts. “Nina said that if I talk about her one more time, she’ll fly to Newark and personally destroy my phone so I can’t call her anymore.”

You laugh loudly, perfectly picturing Nina saying that.

“And Luca?” you ask, raising your eyebrow.

“Luca just says I need to move on.”

“Well, he’s always been more patient than Nina, that’s for sure,” you nod, placing your book on Nico’s coffee table and bringing your knees close to your chest, resting your head on them. “But… he’s not wrong, y’know?”

Nico gives you the puppy eyes, as he always does whenever someone mentions that he should get over Nora, and you sigh again.

Seeing him like this sucked in every way. And you’ve tried everything— get him on dating apps, blind dates, normal dates, pointing at a pretty girl at a party, literally everything.

And still, he’s not budging.

“I wish she would just look at me. I’m handsome, right?” He looks at you, brown eyes filled with despair.

You spend some seconds analyzing him, as you often liked to do. His brown, hazelnut eyes that shined bright everyday, his hair that’s now a little bit longer than usual, his legs and arms which are absolutely huge— when did he get that big anyway?— and his perfect, charming smile and dimples.

“Emma?”

“O-oh, yeah, you’re… fine, I guess,” you shrug, trying to hide the fact that you were checking him out. Weird. “It’s not about you, Nico, I’ve said that before.”

“Okay, but why won’t she pay attention to me, then?”

Because you don’t have a girlfriend, is what you want to say.

Wait.

“Oh my God!” you jump in your seat, scaring Nico who lets out a loud scream and jumps out of the couch with you.

“What the— Emma.” He puts his hands on his hips, trying to look scary, but you brush him off.

“I know how to make her fall in love with you,” you smile, walking around in circles, trying to organize your thoughts inside your head. Nico. Nora. She thinks she’s in love. Nico’s happy. They get together. She’ll leave him after three months or so. Nico’s sad. But! Nico’s moved on. “God, how did I not think of that before?”

“What are you talking about—”

“We have to date.”

Nico stares at you like you’re crazy, his eyes big and confused. He opens his mouth a few times, probably trying to think of something to say, before closing it and inhaling the air.

You wait for him to say something, but when it’s obvious that he won’t, you continue:

“I know it sounds crazy, and I know what you must be thinking, but hear me out,” you step closer, looking up at him. “Girls sometimes don’t pay attention to guys because… well, because they can’t really see them. Like, for example: there’s this one guy in my office which I don’t care about, he’s just my coworker and nothing else.”

“What does this have to do with—” you put your index finger over his lips, shushing him.

“Wait,” you say. “So, he’s there and he isn’t anything. Until, one night, I had a dream that he’s dating me. And suddenly, I wake up and go to work, and I can’t see him the same way I did before. I start noticing how nice his hair is or how tall he is. Do you understand it now?”

Nico smiles, scratching his forehead with his finger.

“No, Emma. That doesn’t even make sense.”

You snort. “Because you’re a man. But trust me on this one, Nico. The second Nora sees you with someone else, she will notice you.”

Mostly because she’s a whore, but we’ll keep that to ourselves for a while.

“Do you have… like… a crush on me or something?” His face is now red and he gets closer to you, placing his hand on your shoulder while he looks like he’s trying to comfort you. “Is that why you want to do this?”

“What— No, what the hell!” you can feel your face getting warm and you step away from him. “No, I don’t have a c-crush on you. I just can’t stand you talking about her anymore. I’m your friend, so I will help you.”

Nico sighs, relieved it seems, still looking unsure.

“You don’t have to do it, if you don’t want to,” you say, closing your eyes for a few seconds. “I know it sounds crazy and I know you probably think I’m trying to get something here but in reality—”

“I’ll do it.”

“What?!” you can’t hide your surprise, almost shouting with how loud you spoke.

He smiles, sitting back on the couch, spreading his thighs and stretching his arms. “I mean, you’re never wrong about these love related things. You did get my sister an amazing boyfriend and you did manage to convince my brother to ask that girl out, and now they’re married. So it’s probably my turn to accept your love advice and shit, right?”

You’re starting to feel bad about this whole thing, because you know Nora will probably break his heart in thousands of little pieces, but what else can you do?

It’s the perfect plan, you think to yourself. It’s flawless, and it will work.

“I try my best,” you give him a half-smile, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “But you have to promise me something.”

Nico nods. “Anything.”

“If this doesn’t work out, then you'll move on.”

“Emma—”

“It’s not healthy for you to be thristing over someone for this much time,” you sit on the couch next to him and place your hand on his shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. “We will fight, and we will fight hard, but if there’s no results in three months, and I’m being generous, we’ll move on. Okay?”

Nico stared at his hands, biting his lips before looking at you again.

“Okay.”

𖧷

<next chapter>

[mbsneur]

We want Alessia in every way 👀

NSFW ALPHABET💌

Alessia Russo !bottom! 18+

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

she will always want you to take her in your arms afterwards and cuddle her she will scratch your back while you do it

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

her favourite part of her body is her eyes (if that counts) she loves the way you look into her eyes and go weak in the knees

her favourite body part on you are your legs she loves to free herself on your thigh

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

she likes it when you put your fingers in her mouth after you've fingered her so she can clean everything up

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

she masturbated while looking at a picture of you when she was at camp in england

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

she wasn't really experienced when you met but she has learnt a lot

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

any position where you can eat her out

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

she likes to be a brat and make fun of you so that you know her place

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

sie liebt es wenn du sie von hinten nimmst und dabei an ihren haaren ziehst

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

she knows how rough you can be and that's why most intimacy is after sex

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

she usually mastuerbates when she is far away from you but it is never the same as when you touch her

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

she loves it when you have full control over her orgasms whether it's overstimulation or orgasm denial

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

mostly in your bed or on your kitchen counter

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

she is immediately turned on if you come anywhere near her thigh

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

a no is anal for her you often tried to persuade her but she always said no

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

she is always a loving receiver but she is extremely good with her tongue and likes to get between your legs

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

she likes it when you are rough and fast and the bed shakes

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

she likes quickies but wants to complete it the same evening

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

she doesn't want to be very risky she is afraid that someone will catch you and they will see you as she has you

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Alessia can take many rounds and loves it when you overstimulate her

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

she has no toys for herself but she loves it when you use vibrators and straps on her

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

she often teases you when you don't have the chance to have sex just to enjoy the punishment in the evening

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Alessia is very loud, she literally screams

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

high she could have sex at any time

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

she takes longer to fall asleep because she needs more time to wind down

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Grass

Debut: Super Mario Bros. 2

Hey guys! Did you know that Super Mario Bros. 2 was originally a reskin of a game called Puck-Man, but they changed the name so people wouldn't vandalize the cabinets and make it say Q*bert? Anyway here's Grass

I hope you like Grass. I hope there are some ruminants among our readers who get so hyped upon seeing a depiction of grass. But I don't care about the grass itself. I care about what's underneath... Funny Vegetables! The kind to throw at a Shy Guy or a Tweeter! Let's look at each Vegetable's NES and SNES design, and discuss them!

Turnip is the most iconic of the These Vegetables. Not the most iconic vegetable, but the most iconic Mario Vegetable. It's the main one that gets referenced, reappears as of Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker, and is even part of Peach's Smash moveset! Where they make even more variants that I don't feel like getting into here for the sake of post length. I quite like Turnip's classic brow(s), though they would be removed, along with the mouth, in future iterations. Such is brand identity.

In Minion Quest and Bowser Jr.'s Journey, Shy Guys' main method of attack is throwing turnips! I like that a lot. It references their debut and is just a very whimsical thing!

I would expect to pull up a turnip from the ground, but lookie here! A couple of Fruits. It's unclear if these are pumpkins or bell peppers, and they come in red and green, which are both options for both fruits! Neither of the options, however, grow underground, so maybe they were playing hide-and-seek. It would explain their surprised expressions! They thought that was such a good hiding place, and it was! Also, I am not averse to calling these fruits vegetables. "Vegetable" is just a culinary term, referring to a part of a plant that we eat! Every fruit is a vegetable. Blueberry pie is a Vegetable Dessert. Words are fun!

Beet is the happiest vegetable we've seen so far! But oddly thin. I hope it's not malnourished! If it is, it's still optimistic, and that's commendable. Maybe it's happy because it was voted Most Likely To Be Pickled in the vegetable high school year book! (Cucumber was homeschooled)

Beet was so thin, and now Parsnip is so wide! It feels like their colors should have been swapped, maybe. But a Parsnip Muncher would delight in having so much more to munch here! A parsnip you could eat like an apple! I am not sure what Parsnip is thinking, with its very neutral expression. If I had a nickel for every time I couldn't tell what a parsnip was thinking, I'd be rich!

Tomato is my favorite! It's SO happy! The biggest smile around! So happy to be a tomato! Maybe it's thinking about how everyone loves tomatoes and how versatile they are! Maybe it's happy because THIS fruit is never buried underground- this and the following vegetable only appear from the Dream Machine during the final boss battle against Wart. I guess Wart doesn't like tomatoes. So not everyone does... but phooey to him, because he's a Bad Guy! We goody two shoeses love Tomato!

Finally, last but not least, is a quite interesting vegetable! This one is a bit mysterious, a bit ambiguous. Ambiguous whether it's an onion or a garlic. Ambiguous whether it's wearing thick glasses, or it has wide, pupilless eyes. I'm going to claim this vegetable as non-binary, and also establish "onion/garlic" as a binary. And then all humans will become non-binary...! What I can be sure of is that this allium looks like a nerd. "According to my calculations, my presence serves to enhance the flavor of any culinary delight!" Ok, dork! I love you.

So these have been Vegetables! I hope you liked them! And I also hope you like them in real life, That's Health! This post was funded and approved by the FDA. Can I say that? What are they going to do about it? Sue me? Kill me? Hopefully neither!

[revelboo]

The reference to "Alcohol Eyes" in the latest "Everything is Alright" yesssss

I love when Rumble is immediately smitten with squishy little humans

Hes probably getting taken good care of Soundwave you don't even have to worry bout it 😈

I feel like Skywarp is going to be much the same as soon as he figures out he can have ‘fun’ with a human. 18+ Content 🌶️

Alcohol Eyes Pt 4

IDW Rumble x Reader

• Your little hand is warm against his, pulling him out the door of the club. Not that he needs any urging to follow you out of the noise or anywhere really. All he can think about is how you’d felt under him and getting somewhere private. Or maybe not even waiting that long. Almost reaching to drag you back to him in the middle of the poorly lit sidewalk before a hand touches his shoulder and he turns to find a human glaring up at him, face paint smudged with sweat. That glare immediately sliding to you and Rumble stiffens. “The hell do you think you’re doing?” The man demands, ignoring him to reach for you, to fist his fingers in your hair.

• Heart racing, you cringe away, but he never touches you. Rumble has him by the wrist and your ex makes a high pitched little nose of pain unlike anything you’ve ever heard. “I’d run away,” Rumble says and he’s grinning, lips stretched wide as he releases the man. He’s scared, your ex’s face so pale as he stares up at Rumble and it’s cruel and petty, but that fear delights you. Because now he’s on the receiving end and he’s not liking it at all. Turning back toward you, that manic smile eases as he reaches out a hand and only shaking a little, you take it and tug him along the dark street. You’re not far from the club, the streetlights out here flickering fitfully. “That guy bother you a lot?”

• “My ex,” you say voice soft, a shoulder lifting slightly and his lips thin. Ex? As in he’d touched you? Been inside you and heard those sounds you make? Makes him wish he’d done more than just crush the man’s wrist. Even not knowing a lot about humans, he understands immediately that this isn’t a good neighborhood. All the buildings tired and in need of repair. It’s one of those you pull him toward. “Baby, you deserve a treat for defending my honor,” you add, voice all heat again as you fish around in your little bag. But he’d heard the uncertainty you’re trying to hide. The fear of that other human that makes him feel violent and cold inside.

• Finding your keys, you unlock the door with hurried movements. Wanting to be safely inside in case your ex decides to be particularly stupid, because he’s probably drunk enough to not give up. Hiding the nerves by throwing the door open and pulling Rumble inside. Locking the deadbolt behind him as you begin to strip for him. “Still not taking the costume off?” You ask, not that you’re going to fight him over it. Maybe that’s his kink. Some kind of role player that gets off fucking in a robot costume. There’s enough light coming in from the blinds that you can see enough to not walk into anything, and he doesn’t ask you to turn the lights on. “How about you let me take care of you?”

• Silhouetted by the weak light from the street, you seem to glow at the edges as you reach for him. Pulling him along, and he hooks an arm around you and pulls you back against him. “Who takes care of you?” He asks as his lips brush your throat and you shiver in his arms. You’re the best thing he’s ever had, something he never expected to have and you’d given yourself to him freely. Not realizing that he’s not going to let go.

• “Aren’t you?” You whisper, teasing as his warm mouth moves against your throat, lips trailing behind your ear. His hands roaming over you in possessive touches. “The bed,” you murmur when he cups you, wiggling to get free as that visor glows red. That luminescence nags at you, but he lets you bring him to the bed. Even lays back on it when you push at him. Climbing up to straddle him, you try to wiggle your fingers between the seams of his costume and he groans. He’s warm underneath, but the material under feels strange. Then his hands are gripping your hips, lifting and moving you with a casual strength that should be terrifying. “So impatient.” You’d wanted to play with him, but he has other plans, pulling you down on his length. And you moan at the feel of him stretching you. “No hands, baby.” Swatting at his fingers on you, you splay your own palms on him and begin to move against him.

• Hips lifting slightly as you ride his spike, he watches your eyes close, lips parting. Fascinated with the way you move against him, rolling your hips as you take him deep, lifting up to nearly let him slip free before taking him again. And despite your warning, he runs his servos over your soft skin with a groan. You’re taking care of him as you’d said, though you’d never answered his question. But it’s okay, he already plans on keeping you whether you want him to or not.

Previous

[xxastreascornerxx]

I love LOVE the way that LAES wrote out the Gemini twins, that's high praise from me based on the many posts where I shit on them but with every hater there's secretly a fan so hear me out.

When we were first introduced to them Castor was an ASSHOLE and Pollux was the overly energetic sweetheart that just pulls at people's heartstrings.

Well based on EVERYTHING THE SHOWS HAVE TAUGHT US (if you're actually paying attention) it's to never judge books by their covers.

By the end we see that POLLUX is the real asshole, she thinks that people should just UNDERSTAND HER and that it's dumb and people are annoying or a waste of their time when they aren't immediately understood.

Castor by the end is gentle, soft spoken, and knows to treat people with genuine kindness and sincerity. He holds the people he appreciates so close to his heart that even when they hurt him all he wants is to run back to them and try to see their point of view.

Castor is still strict and Pollux is still bubbly but there was a lot more going on under the surface, have you guys ever noticed how CASTOR was always the one talking seriously to Lunar? Pollux was following along and occasionally adding in hurtful remarks (talking star trials and that nonsense) Castor was ALWAYS the one to make sure that even though Lunar was in trouble or needed to be talked to he knew he was appreciated and cared for, that even though they'd say hurtful things they just wanted him to confront his actions and deal with them appropriately. Pollux just yells and throws in childish quips, which is ironic since her whole thing back during the star trials was to constantly point out how childish Lunar was being (she's a hypocrite) despite most of her arguments coming off as playground marriage arguments.

In any mythology Greek, Roman, etc Gemini is duality. We're never told which is which though, it's why whenever someone brings up Zodiac signs Gemini is an insult to people. Duality can be both good and bad, it's exactly what it is. However duality isn't black and white, it's a spectrum that can change at any moment. We see the way duality shifts and shows itself in the Gemini twins frequently, with mood swings, temperament, and overall how people unravel themselves. Together they are uncaring and do not perceive things as positive or negative without the others input, however apart they're kind and rude, gentle and aggressive.

Gemini is only one when they agree, when they are at peace. Castor loves Lunar, he has and will. It broke his heart to see Lunar as a threat. Pollux saw Lunar as a fun toy to play with until it got old, then she got bored of it and found it's attempts to get her attention annoying. She didn't and doesn't love Lunar, she loved the attention he was giving her, only throwing a fit when the attention was given to someone else.

This, this is duality. It's what the shows were trying to express, however with limited resources it's hard to convey everything in the story. They're recording this with the knowledge they have on how to best convey it without outright saying it and it's so amazing what they're able to do.

Thank you for coming to my tedtalk it's written weird and that's because this is pure raw unfiltered autism license approved thoughts, until next time. Bye bro bros:3

[javier-pena]

the duel

Pairing: knight!Din Djarin x f!reader

Word Count: 5.8k

Rating: Mature

Summary: When a grave injustice is done to you, there is only one man who will defend your honor.

Warnings: graphic violence | animal death (a horse gets killed) | death of a close family member | a hint of “who did this to you?” | a lot of historical inaccuracies | reader has long hair | a dash of self-loathing

Notes: I know I'm the slowest writer ever when it comes to working through my 10k follower celebration requests but we're getting there. A very sweet anon requested "Can you just look at me? Please?" with Din Djarin and my brain made that into a medieval AU somehow. Dear anon, I'm not entirely sure this is what you had in mind but I had THE most fun writing it, and I'm so so in love with knight!Din that it's going to be incredibly hard to let him go. As always, huge thanks to Dani @alexturner who said this is the best fic I've written recently - it's amazing what I can achieve when there is no smut to overthink!

The air smells of smoke and horse manure and cold. It smells of blood and death too, but Din isn’t quite certain that he isn’t imagining that. No one has died here, at least not today, and if he keeps his cool, then the sun will set without him having taken yet another life. All he has to do is immobilize his opponent, make him surrender. If he can do that, he’ll win more than one victory today.

He bows, deeply, in front of Lord Marlowe and the assembled guests. To his left, Rhyswald the Crusader does the same, the insincerity evident in the way he inclines his head, moves his feet. Din has every reason to hate Lord Marlowe, every reason to wish the worst on the other man, but he wouldn’t dream of disrespecting him, least of all in his own house.

Rhyswald lifts his head, runs a gloved hand through his blond curls, and dons his heavy helmet. Din ignores the smirk on his face, the way he bares his teeth in something resembling a snarl. He can’t let these things get to him if he wants to walk away from this duel victorious, his hands clean. He lifts his own helmet, ready to hide his face behind the T-shaped visor, when he sees you stand and abandon your seat next to Lord Marlowe. You walk to the edge of the berfrois, your pale blue wool dress looking almost white in the soft light of the winter morning, your dark blue coat billowing behind you. You don’t wrap it around yourself, even though the cold morning air makes you gasp. Your eyes are fixed on Din’s, but he can hardly bear to look at you, his heart in his throat threatening to choke him.

You reach the edge of the berfrois and you seem so close that he thinks if he just extended his arm, he could touch you. And then you extend your arm and his hands begin to tremble. If he had to draw his sword right now, he wouldn’t be able to hold up the weapon. There is something in your hand, a piece of white silk, and you smile at him before letting it go, the cloth gently gliding down in the calm air, toward Din. He steps forward, his hand outstretched, and everything around him vanishes – the lists, the nobles, Lord Marlowe on his high-backed chair, even Rhyswald and his vile face. It’s just you and the token you’re bestowing on him that Din sees.

He secures the piece of silk around his left lower arm, gently pulling it tight with his teeth. By the time he is done, you have returned to your seat, regarding the spectacle before you with cold detachment. Like him, you can’t let this get to you. The world begins to come back with shouts and the sounds of stomping hooves and Rhyswald’s voice snarling some insult Din doesn’t quite catch. He walks over to his horse Razor, tied up at the edge of the lists. Razor is covered in Din’s colors, the dark blue of his father and the silver of his liege, its black fur shiny with sweat already. Din hoists himself up, takes his shield from a knave, and draws his long, heavy sword. With a deep breath, he turns Razor to face Rhsywald.

Din tastes blood on his tongue as he charges at his opponent, blood from where he has bitten the inside of his cheek. Rhyswald’s helmet is obscuring most of his face, but Din can imagine the smirk he is wearing beneath, sure of his victory. After all, didn’t he fight in the crusades? Didn’t he risk his life and soul for king and country? And where was Din while his fellow countrymen were risking their lives overseas? Where was he? Din raises his sword high above his head, channeling all his strength into his right arm, and a growl erupts from his chest, drowned out by Razor’s hooves hammering against the frozen ground.

Din manages to hit Rhyswald’s shield, but the steel glides of the leather reinforcements uselessly. Rhyswald misses Din’s shoulder because he twists out of the way in time but even before Din manages to turn Razor around, he’s there again with a second attack, splintering the top of Din’s shield with a forceful blow. Din changes direction, his back facing Rhyswald for a moment, but the bold move pays off. When he goes in for a second attack, the other man parries his blow with a surprised shout.

Beneath the horses’ hooves, the ground slowly breaks open and becomes uneven while the knights try to gain the upper hand. They are evenly matched, Din has to admit that, but whereas he fights for an advantage, Rhyswald fights to humiliate. When Din parries a blow, Rhyswald tries to hit him with his shield, when Din tries to free his sword, Rhyswald tries to punch his chin or scratch his unprotected lower arms. The longer the horses dance around each other, the harder it is for Din to keep the promise he made to himself.

“You should give up now,” Rhyswald suggests after a while, his voice coming out in strained pants, “because I will kill you if you don’t.”

Din doesn’t reply because there really isn’t anything he could say.

Rhyswald tries to grab Din’s arm but almost loses the grip on his sword and has to straighten his back. “Did no one teach you manners, boy? You answer your superiors.”

“I have nothing to say to you,” Din presses out through gritted teeth, the blade of his sword coming down hard against the spaulder protecting Rhyswald’s shoulder but bouncing off it without leaving a mark.

Rhsywald pulls back his steed, disengaging, and Din drops his arm to relieve his straining muscles. “Why not? Did your little harlot forbid you to speak? Because she knows if you talk to me, it’ll only expose her lies?”

Din doesn’t mean to, but he can’t stop himself from charging at Rhyswald in a rash move and missing him when he swerves.

“Oh, so it’s true?” Rhyswald taunts, making his horse prance around Din’s. “Do you always do as she says?

“Shut up,” Din growls. Rhyswald’s grating voice is making his blood boil.

“Apparently not,” Rhsywald remarks, and Din can make out the smirk beneath his helmet. “So tell me, do you believe her little story? Or do you know she’s a liar?”

Din spurs on Razor, the pounding hooves quickening his heartbeat. He’s aiming the blade at Rhsywald’s head, but his opponent predicts the move long before Din can carry it out. Their blades clash and send out sparks. The force of the impact makes pain shoot up Din’s arm and he grunts. Rhyswald doesn’t let him catch his breath. He lands blow after blow, and Din can barely keep him in check while Razor nervously prances beneath him.

“That would explain why she picked you as her champion,” Rhyswald goes on while his blade comes down hard against Din’s shield. “Gullible Din Djarin who’d do anything for the taste of a ma–”

Din kicks, hard, and is surprised when his foot connects with Rhyswald’s middle. Rhyswald gives a shout of surprise, and Din knows his eyes are wide beneath that helmet. With a rattling crash, Rhyswald lands on the hard, trampled ground and his horse takes off with a whinny. Around them, the berfrois erupt with cheers.

Din closes his eyes and the sound changes. It now is the gentle rustling of newly grown leaves swaying in a warm spring breeze. When he opens his eyes, he’s back in Headdon Fort walking the corridors, climbing steep stairs. Outside the windows, the world is breaking out into colors, bright and fresh, while inside the mood is dampened by bad news recently received. As a knight passing through, no one has informed Din of the tragedy. 

Din doesn’t know what he is looking for, only that he is too restless to quietly sit in a chair yet too exhausted from his recent travels to spend his time training. The fort is almost empty since everyone is enjoying the spring sunshine, and Din, in turn, is enjoying the quiet. Until he hears a stifled sob, turns a corner, and finds you leaning against the damp stone wall. You’re crouching, face buried in your hands, a scroll of parchment lying at your feet, and your chest is heaving with violent sobs.

Din should walk away, spare you the embarrassment of being seen at such a vulnerable moment, but he can’t. It’s not his upbringing and training, the chivalry demanded of him. It’s the love he feels for you that makes him rush to your side instead of turning away from you.

You must hear his heavy footsteps despite your preoccupation, and you look up, eyes red, cheeks wet. “Din,” you breathe, your voice hoarse.

His chest tightens at the sound of his name coming from your lips in such a familiar manner. He steps in front of you, unsure whether he is allowed to approach, flexing the fingers on his right hand, still stiff from a recently sustained injury. “What do you need?” he asks.

You smile at him, gently, your grief momentarily forgotten. “It’s Eldrin,” you answer. “He … he died.”

Din’s chest grows tighter, a feeling no longer welcome. Out of your brothers, Eldrin was his favorite. Din had always looked up to the older man, and Eldrin had always treated him like an equal. “How?” he asks.

You shake your head as a new wave of grief rushes over you. Din can’t bear to see you like this. He drops down to his knees next to you, the floor uncomfortably cold through the fabric of his chausses. But he doesn’t care when you lean into him and bury your face against his shoulder. In fact, he doesn’t feel anything anymore except the warmth of your body against his and the way his heart flutters in his chest.

Steadied by Din’s presence, you finally answer. “He was murdered.”

“Murdered?” Din echoes, slinging an arm around your shoulders. The bright spring sunshine seems to darken at your words, and despair settles over the both of you.

“He was trying to save a friend,” you go on, your words muffled against Din’s tunic. “Lord Raaf. He had gotten into a fight, and Eldrin was trying to help him. They were all drunk, it was a stupid, drunken fight.” You sob, and Din can’t help himself. He kisses the top of your head, and feels a stab of pride when you pull him closer.

“Raaf,” you go on after you have somewhat collected yourself, “he said Eldrin got stabbed in the back. I don’t know why.” You look up at him, your eyes impossibly bright with tears. “Why, Din?”

“I don’t know,” Din replies. He could talk about honor, call the murderer a coward, curse his name, but none of these things would help you. Instead, he asks, “What can I do?”

“Nothing,” you reply, grabbing fistfuls of Din’s shirt. “He’s dead.”

“Does Raaf know who stabbed Eldrin?”

You nod. “A knight. He calls himself Rhyswald the Crusader.”

“There are witnesses,” Din goes on. “Lord Raaf. He saw it happen. Rhyswald will be brought to justice.”

You give him a tired smile. “I don’t want justice. I want Eldrin to be alive.”

Din’s stomach knots painfully, as if he had been stabbed himself.

It’s the same pain he feels now, back on the lists, watching the murderer push himself into a kneeling position, reaching for his sword. “Stay down,” Din whispers, but Rhyswald lets loose a deep growl and stands, picks up his mud-caked sword.

“You coward!” he shouts, loud enough for everyone to hear. “I should have known that you won’t be able to win this fight without cheating.”

“Enough!” Din barks. “Do you surrender?”

There are whispers all around him as he waits for an answer.

Rhsywald spits, and it comes out red. “No.”

The whispers stop.

Din circles Rhyswald, Razor snorting beneath him. “Then you have made your choice,” he declares with a heavy heart, raising his sword.

Rhyswald charges. Razor, surprised by the sudden movement, rears up and then collapses, the front legs giving way, breaking with a sickening crack. Din hits the ground, hard, the impact pushing all the air from his lungs. One leg gets buried under Razor’s body, while the other twists at an odd angle, and he loses both his sword and shield. The crowd gasps, there are one or two shouts, but Din only hears the blood rushing in his ears, and the rattling sound of Razor’s dying breath.

Din’s vision darkens when Rhyswald casts his shadow down on him. He pulls his sword out of Razor’s chest with a sickening squelch and huffs. “There. Now we’re evenly matched.”

Din places a gloved hand on Razor’s back, the body warm and alive to the touch. He can’t allow himself to feel, can’t allow Rhyswald’s dishonesty to get to him. He pushes the horse off his leg and stands, ignoring the pain in his calf, the way his vision goes dark as blood pounds behind his eyes. He limps to where his sword lies half-buried in the mud, then to where his shield sticks out of a heap of soil. He picks up both weapons, his grip like iron, and turns to face Rhyswald.

They circle each other; every other step is agony to Din, but it doesn’t escape him that Rhyswald holds his elbow at an odd angle or that his helmet has shifted, obscuring his view. Din shakes his head to get rid of the ringing in his ears but it doesn’t help. He loosens the grip on his sword, then tightens it again, and before Rhyswald can take on a defensive stance, he rushes toward him, his only goal to inflict as much pain as possible. He can let himself have that, he decides, as long as it doesn’t cloud his judgement.

Steel meets steel, and Din’s ears are now ringing with the sweet sound of combat. Rhyswald manages to keep him at bay, but no matter how hard he tries to get a blow in, Din doesn’t let him. He forces Rhyswald to defend himself, forces him to back away from Razor’s dead body, forces him to fight for his life. Rhyswald is strong, his defenses are tough, but once in a while, there is a crack in them, and Din exploits it ruthlessly.

Rhyswald’s shield splinters in half after Din hits it repeatedly, and the two halves fall to the ground, useless. Din can’t help but smile a cruel smile, already tasting victory, but without the additional weight, his opponent is faster and finally gains the upper hand. He pushes back against Din’s assaults with vicious jabs, forcing Din to divide his attention between parrying Rhyswald’s blows with his shield and defending himself with his sword.

Din’s arms grow heavy, so heavy that every time he has to raise his sword it feels like a task impossible to accomplish. Rhyswald seems to tire too – his footfalls are heavy and he grunts every time he swings his sword at Din. But when the blade lands against Din’s right cuisse, he feels the blow in his entire body and his knee gives way, making him stumble. Rhyswald goes for Din’s standard next, and it’s only through sheer force of will that he manages to parry that blow. The audience gasps, groans, and then falls silent.

“Don’t you hear?” Rhyswald hisses, pushing his blade down against Din’s. Every muscle in Din’s arm is screaming for him to give in. “They hate you. They want to see you dead. Why don’t we give them what they want?”

He kicks Din in the chest, swirls around, and with the force of a final blow lets the blade of his sword rush toward Din. Din lets out a hoarse shout as his lower arm is sliced open and hot blood spurts out, drenching his tunic. Steam rises in the freezing air.

“You should give in now,” Rhyswald suggests. “It would spare you the pain and humiliation.” He reaches for Din’s injured arm, for the piece of silk tied around it; Din draws back with a hiss. Darkness settles over Rhyswald’s face. “Have it your way then.”

He raises his sword high above his head at the same time as Din raises his shield, and when blade hits wood, Din pushes himself up, flinging his cover at Rhyswald. He feels bile rise in his throat at the effort; instead of air, it feels like he is breathing in fire, but he stands, and Rhyswald struggles for a moment, caught off-guard by Din’s resistance. Still, Rhyswald has a point – it would be so easy to give in, to stop here and let fate take its course.

The glove on Din’s left hand is growing heavy with blood. He glances down to examine the damage and his eyes land on the piece of silk Rhyswald tried to touch, the token you gave him, convinced he would be victorious. He promised you, did he not? He offered his services to bring you justice, to right that terrible wrong that had been done to you. He can’t give up, no matter how much he wants to. Not when you are up there in the berfrois, all your hopes resting on him. Your hands are doubtlessly clenched in your lap, your eyes are wide with terror. You are praying, he is sure of that – not to a merciful God, but to him, begging him to keep going.

“You’re tougher than I had thought, I’ll give you that.” Rhyswald’s voice sounds tinny from beneath his helmet, and it lures Din out of his thoughts and back onto the lists. “But you still have to resort to tricks to gain the upper hand.”

Din is barely listening to the words. His eyes are roaming Rhyswald’s armor, looking for a weak spot, a small opening he could attack. There is nothing, not even a loosening rerebrace. But the way Rhyswald is holding his sword, his grip lax … if Din could disarm him, this fight would be over.

With an outcry, hoarse and violent, he storms at Rhyswald who is too late to raise his sword to defend himself. It flies out of his grip and lands somewhere to his right, halfway sinking into the mud. There is some careful applause coming from the berfrois, one or two cheers, as people are trying to figure out what just happened. Din feels a smile forming on his lips, one that is cold and calculating, as he allows himself this small indulgence because no one can see it.

Rhyswald looks at his useless sword, lets the implication of it no longer being in his hand sink in. Then he huffs and rolls his shoulders. Din steels himself for another insult, hopes for a swift surrender, but stiffens when Rhyswald loosens his heavy morning star from his belt.

“We’re just getting started,” he sneers.

Din rolls his neck, his shoulders, then flings his sword from him. There is one faint shout of, “No!” somewhere in the distance, and all he can hope is that it did not come from you. “Forgive me,” he whispers, pulling his pernach out of the loop on his belt.

When Rhyswald charges, morning star swinging at his side, Din is ready for him.

The air around him warms as the lists vanish and are replaced by a ground of dust, dry air being swirling up in the hot summer sun. Din takes a step to the side and twists his upper body, avoiding his opponent who rushes past him with a curse. Din turns and kicks him in the backside so he lands on the dry ground, face first. The other men clap and cheer, and Din runs the back of his hand across his forehead, wiping away the sweat and dirt.

That is when he spots you rushing toward him, your hands balled into fists at your sides, your footfalls heavy with anger. Din hears the other knights snicker, one or two whistle, but he ignores them. His entire world has become you – there is no room for anything else.

“What happened?” he asks as soon as you are close enough to hear him.

You stop in front of him, your eyes shiny with unshed tears. “I don’t know who else to talk to,” is all you say.

Din softly closes his hand around your elbow. “Come,” he says, “let’s go.”

There are some lewd comments, some more whistles, but you don’t seem to hear them. You let yourself be guided into the shadow of one of the trees in the enormous courtyard, where the heat is a little less punishing, and prying ears have a hard time overhearing your conversation.

Din takes in your appearance, your fine dress, your long hair, braided intricately, and his face heats with the realization of how he must look next to you, dirty and sweaty and half undressed, with his tunic hanging open and its sleeves rolled up, curls rumpled, hands brown with dust. You don’t seem to mind though.

“Rhyswald was acquitted.” Your voice is strained with anger and hatred; Din barely recognizes it. “The king has acquitted him.”

Din wishes he could offer you words of comfort. Instead, all he manages is a suppressed, “What?”

It should not be like this, was not supposed to go like this. You were convinced the king’s verdict would bring you justice, and Din was convinced of the righteousness of your cause. After all, Rhyswald had stabbed Eldrin in the back, in front of witnesses. Maybe you had misheard the king, misunderstood his verdict.

You lower your eyes at Din, and for a moment he thinks you’re redirecting your anger at him. “He didn’t believe Raaf, said Raaf was too drunk to know what he saw.”

“But there were others,” Din presses, unable to make sense of it all, “other witnesses. People who say Rhyswald …” He finds himself unable to finish the sentence.

You begin to pace beneath the shadow of the tree, your face shiny with sweat. “None of them confirmed Raaf’s story. They said it was too dark, they can’t be sure of what they saw, Rhyswald wasn’t drunk, they want to believe his story. The king said it wasn’t enough.”

Din watches you pace, rooted to the spot by his uselessness. He hears the clanging of swords, the shouts and cheers – the other knights must have resumed their training, already tired of poking fun at him. He hears the song of a bird high up in the tree above you, and the high laughter of a little girl somewhere close by. They all go on with their lives as if the world had not just ended.

“There must be something we can do,” Din finally says. “Maybe the king will reconsider if …”

“If what, Din?” you snarl. He flinches. You notice, and your face falls. “I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to help but there is nothing we can do to change his mind. There is only …”

“You can’t give up,” Din interrupts you. “There has to be a way. We will find one.”

Your face softens as you gift him a smile. “There is one way. The only way. But it’s hopeless.”

“Tell me,” Din demands, taking both your hands in his.

You lower your gaze to where your hands are joined. “Trial by combat,” you answer. “If God’s verdict were to be in favor of my brother …”

Din tightens his hold on you. “Why would that be hopeless? Aren’t you convinced of Rhyswald’s guilt?”

You wind your way out of Din’s grip. “It’s not that. I don’t have a champion.”

Din blinks, trying to sort through his thoughts. “I’m sure your fiancé …”

“Lord Marlow accepts the king’s verdict,” you cut him off. “There’s nothing I can do.”

Din pulls you close. “Yes. There is.”

The sharp pain in his right arm brings Din back to the present. It has to be broken, judging by the way it uselessly hangs at his side. When the morning star hit the rerebrace, Din could hear the sickening crack it made. Rhyswald could too, and it put a cruel smile on his face, one Din could see all too clearly now that Rhyswald lost his helmet somewhere in the mud. Din tries to flex his fingers, tries to bend his right arm at the elbow, but the responding pain makes his vision darken and stars dance in front of his eyes.

Opposite him, Rhyswald looks how Din feels. His bottom lip is split, his teeth are red with blood. He spits and a tooth lands at his feet. Din inhales sharply and tries to straighten his back, but Rhyswald chooses this moment to charge at him, the morning star long forgotten, lost somewhere on the battlefield. Din glances longingly at his pernach, now too heavy for him to wield with his broken arm, then widens his stance, bracing for the impact.

Rhyswald is aiming for his shoulder, but Din takes a calculated step back and Rhyswald misses. He stumbles but immediately regains his balance, his eyes wild with rage. Din can’t help but smile.

Rhyswald reaches for Din’s left arm, which is still bleeding, and Din hisses when his hand closes around it, hard. He struggles against the grip, but can’t use his right hand to push Rhyswald off, and when he yanks back his arm, he only pulls his opponent toward him. Rhyswald closes his other hand around Din’s throat, but Din twists back his head, then brings his helmet down hard against Rhyswald’s temple. That does the trick.

Rhyswald stumbles back and Din falls forward, grunting in pain. He can make out the tears and dents in Rhyswald’s armor where he was able to do some damage with his pernach, cut so deeply he drew blood, but it wasn’t enough. Rhyswald still stands, still fights. And Din knows he cannot take much more of this.

Rhyswald kicks, aiming for Din’s legs, and when Din tries to evade him, his leg gives way and he folds, falling to his knees in front of Rhyswald. Then his head starts ringing, and he realizes Rhyswald is pommeling the helmet with his bare hands, trying everything to make Din surrender. And Din wants to. By God, he wants to! He’s so exhausted he can’t even tell if this fight is real or if he blacked out minutes ago and this is all a fever-induced vision.

Rhyswald lands a kick against Din’s chest, and Din crashes to the ground. It has begun to snow, and as he is lying there, looking up into the sky, he can see the flakes dancing around him. When Rhyswald straddles him, sinking to his knees on either side of Din’s torso, he can’t find the fight in him to oppose him. Instead, he lets Rhyswald punch him, his chest, his chin; his head rings every time Rhyswald’s fist connects with his helmet, but there is no point in fighting back when it’s so easy to lie here and watch the snow come down gently.

Rhyswald curses, trying to pull Din’s helmet off his head. But his gloves are slick with blood and mud, and he cannot find purchase against the smooth iron. Din shakes his hands off with a grunt and his head comes to rest on its side where he has a clear view of the berfrois. A clear view of you.

You are halfway out of your chair, your eyes wide with shock. His chest constricts, the pain unbearable, so much more violent than anything Rhyswald did to him today. If he doesn’t fight back, this will be the last thing he sees, his last conscious thought will be that he disappointed you. And maybe that’s what he deserves. He killed so many people, ruined so many lives – this is his punishment for all the hurt he brought into this world. What’s one more broken person? What’s one more ruined life? Of course, the only thing he can give you as his present on your wedding day is for you to watch him get butchered. He lived his life dishonorably, of course it has to end the same way.

Drained, he closes his eyes, waiting for the end to come.

When he opens them again, it’s you he sees. Your eyes are bright, and you try to hide a grin behind the back of your hand, but he gently takes your wrist and pulls it away from your face. He can’t remember the last time he saw you smile like this, and he wants to savor every second of it.

You kiss him again, and it’s as if he was forgotten how to breathe. All he feels is the gentle press of your lips against his, the way you’re still so unsure but so, so eager to have him like this. It makes his heart bloom like a meadow in springtime. He can’t help himself – he has to cup your cheek. You shudder against him in response.

“Let us stay here forever.” The words are out before he can stop them.

You glance up into his eyes, your face so unguarded it makes him want to fight for your affection. Makes him want to die for it too. “I wish we could.” You push him back against the hard stone wall of the alcove you’re hiding in. “Let’s not talk about it.”

The next time you kiss him, he can taste your grief on your lips. “There’s –,” he starts, but you shake your head.

“No.” You touch your finger to his lips, and he freezes, blood rushing downwards, tight between his legs. “Din … I’m so sorry.”

There is nothing for you to be sorry for, no choice he regrets making where you are concerned, but hearing you say those words makes a lump form in his throat. “Don’t.” He kisses you to hide the ache that has to be written all over his face. “It’s what you have to do. You have your duties, as I have mine.”

You lace your fingers with his, squeezing them hard. He presses his forehead against yours, your breaths mingling.

“I’ll always be yours, Din. Always.”

Din reaches for his dagger strapped to his thigh, gritting his teeth against the pain. Rhyswald’s triumphant grin is wiped off his face when Din knees him in the crotch before stabbing him between his ribs where his armor has shifted. Rhyswald lets out a pained grunt, his eyes falling shut, as he tries to grab Din’s wrist to pull the dagger back out. Din does it for him, relishing the wet sound it makes against Rhyswald’s flesh. Then he pushes Rhyswald off him and rolls onto his side, arm braced against the other man’s chest, pushing himself onto his knees. The pain that is everywhere in his body now is almost unbearable, makes him want to vomit and pass out, but the sight of Rhyswald’s eyes, widened in terror, keeps him going.

Din closes his left hand around Rhyswald’s throat and Rhyswald starts kicking his legs in panic, clawing at Din’s fingers and arm. But Din doesn’t let go, only pushes him deeper into the mud. This isn’t the first time he is taking a life, and he knows it won’t be the last, but he will never again enjoy killing someone this much. He tightens his hold on Rhyswald’s throat, watches as his eyes begin to bulge, and he feels a strange calm come over him. It’s easy to grab the dagger, even with his broken arm, so easy to press the blade against the skin of Rhyswald’s throat, and even easier still to cut, one smooth motion, followed by blood, so much blood. It seeps into Din’s gloves, hot in the freezing winter air, drenches his hands so all the world can see he has taken another life.

Din doesn’t let go until Rhyswald’s eyes cloud over and he stops twitching. He pushes himself away from the dead body, a pained growl passing his lips. He isn’t shaking – that will come later – but he isn’t feeling the satisfaction he thought he would feel. He raises his eyes and glances up at the berfrois, up to where you are sitting. It’s not as if he had expected you to jump out of your chair and cheer for him, but he had hoped for some acknowledgement of a job well done. Instead, he finds you staring at him, eyes wide with terror, and he looks down at his soiled gloves and the man next to him, his throat cut open like a red, angry maw.

You would look at Din like that. Not with relief or adoration, but with terror. After all, now that you have seen his uglier side, you recognized the kind of monster he truly is. And who could love a monster, even if that monster killed for you?

Din kneels in the cold mud, eyes fixed on his hands, his terrible hands that have done so much bad in this world. He should have surrendered, should have let Rhyswald kill him. But there are men carrying his corpse away, and Din has to go on living, knowing the only person he truly loves despises him. He wishes there were cheers or curses, people talking, getting ready to leave, discussing the duel, anything, but it’s so quiet and he is alone with his thoughts that are so loud. He’s even alone on the lists now, Rhyswald’s corpse having been carried off, and still, he can’t bring himself to get up and leave. He can’t even raise his head because looking at you again would kill him.

His world turns pale blue as you come to stand in front of him. You kneel, not caring about spoiling your wedding dress – you’re kneeling in the dirt and blood, and you say, “Can you just look at me? Please?” but Din can’t. He doesn’t want to face your hatred, even if that makes him a coward.

Your voice is so soft as you repeat that, “Please,” and it does something to him, reminds him that he can never refuse you. His broken arm twitches painfully as his heart picks up speed, and then he looks up.

You have a soft smile on your face, one he had thought he’d never see again. You raise your hands, lifting the helmet off his head, and then you press your forehead to his, just like he did with you before you told him you’ll always be his.

“I love you,” you whisper into the cold winter morning.

That’s all he needs from you.

If you enjoyed the fic, I’d love to hear from you 🥰 feel free to leave a comment or drop into my inbox anytime …

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[maxdibert]

The double standards of HP fandom is the highlight of my day. I love the hypocrisy of “the marauders have matured” as they say and make up horrible things about Sev. It's always “they were teenagers, all teenagers do shit”, but they also ignore that Severus was a teenager when he called Lily a Mudblood, he was also a teenager when he believed that the bad side was a lifeline in his existence. But they always throw him under the bus, shouting like idiots about how Severus is “racist”, “fascist” and “nazi”. Boys will always be boys, until the boy is Severus and they will act as if an outcast child is the root of the entire world's evil and that their favorites are peacekeepers just because they are on the “good” side of the coin, ignoring that his “punishers” are part of the reason Sev is who he has become.

I couldn’t agree more with this. The double standards are wild, and the mental gymnastics people do to justify their favorites while trashing Severus is honestly fascinating in the worst way. Like, “the Marauders have matured”? Please. Sirius is 30+ years old in Order of the Phoenix and still acting like he’s in high school, picking fights with Snape just because he can. That’s maturity? Meanwhile, Severus is held accountable forever for stuff he did as a literal teenager, in the middle of being bullied and isolated, and on top of that, having no real support system.

The “he was a Nazi” argument drives me insane. Severus grew up in a broken home, surrounded by poverty, abuse, and probably a ton of internalized self-loathing. He latched onto the Death Eaters as a desperate, misguided attempt to gain power and control in a world where he had none. Does that make his choices right? No, but it makes them understandable. But no, let’s keep pretending he was just an evil mastermind from birth while completely ignoring that James and Sirius literally assaulted him for fun. I guess we’re cool with bullies as long as they’re charming and good-looking?

And don’t even get me started on Dumbledore. Everyone acts like Dumbledore is some saint, but the man literally used Severus as a pawn for years, keeping him trapped in this cycle of guilt and redemption while letting everyone else treat him like garbage. But oh no, Snape said a slur when he was 15, so let’s act like he’s beyond redemption. Meanwhile, the Marauders and their crew, who are canonically responsible for attempted murder (hello, werewolf prank??), get a free pass because they’re “fun.”

It’s the hypocrisy for me. Severus has to be perfect, repentant, and saintly just to be considered “okay,” while others get to coast on their charm and charisma despite being cruel, reckless, or outright abusive. If you’re going to judge characters for their actions, at least hold them all to the same standard, or just admit you’re biased and move on. P.S. Unpopular opinion, but honestly, Severus calling Lily a “Mudblood” feels almost laughable compared to everything he was going through at the time. Maybe it’s because my friends and I (we’ve literally known each other since nursery school) are a codependent bunch with dynamics straight out of a dysfunctional family, but we’ve had fights, arguments, screamed at each other, thrown the nastiest things in each other’s faces, stopped talking for a while, and yet we always managed to work things out. I get that Lily had her reasons for cutting ties—it’s absolutely valid, and no one has the right to tell you when or how to set boundaries with someone you feel isn’t good for you anymore. But the fandom in general blows this way out of proportion. I mean, I personally find an attempted murder, like the one Sirius orchestrated, a lot worse, and yet people don’t give that even half the weight they give to this incident.

[classygreydove]

kkob/obkk fic recs

5 kkob fics that are criminally underrated - obv we all love rocks fall; scene end, Kamui Blues, and New Recruit, (if you haven't read those, I highly recommend them) but these works deserve some appreciation too!

kakaobi fluff series by Eye_like_trauma - 6k, ONGOING

G, No Archive Warnings Apply. Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito. Just a lot of fluff, crushes, and pining.

[dove's notes: Every single on of these one-shots is just precious. And also makes me laugh so hard. Peak content for this ship.]

2. Hey, Wouldn't It Be Mortifying If We Both Survived This? by Eye_like_trauma - 4k, COMPLETE

T, No Archive Warnings Apply. Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Kakashi & Minato & Rin & Obito. Kannabi fix-it, love confessions, feelings realization, first kiss, fluff and angst, hurt/comfort

Obito can’t hear anything beyond the cave crumbling around them, thousands of tons of rock cascading down and crushing everything it can. Can’t see beyond the dust in the air, the vibrations of the world around him. Couldn’t, anyway, because he can barely keep his eyes open. “It’s going to be okay,” he whispers into Kakashi’s hair. He knows Kakashi won’t hear him. Wouldn’t, even if he were conscious. That’s okay; the words are as much for him as they’re for Kakashi. He presses himself closer, focuses on the warmth of Kakashi as the world fades in and out, as every bit of remaining light is snuffed and he can feel debris falling on every side of them, huge and heavy and deadly, if they’re hit. He can’t feel Kakashi’s heart beat past the world falling in on itself, but he tells himself it’s there, tells himself that Kakashi’s not dead.

[dove's notes: literally my favorite confession fic. i laughed, cried a little, and felt many fuzzy feelings. bb tsundere kakashi is adorable.]

3. The Things We Found in the Ashes of Our World by shefrommo - 40k, ONGOING

M, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings. Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Sukea/Tobi, strangers to friends to enemies, identity shenanigans

Ironically enough, Kakashi didn't start having treasonous thoughts until after he'd already committed treason. __ Or, during a mission gone wrong, Kakashi discovers Obito's alive. He never comes back from that mission. Five years later, Team Seven stumbles across a pair of Akatsuki members--both of whom are working under false identities, both of whom were declared dead years ago.

[dove's notes: Incomplete, but so so good. Tobi and Sukea (and their headspaces) are both very well-written, as is the relationship chemistry. The identity shenanigans are great.]

4. Quiet Revolutions by Anjelle - 68K, ONGOING

T, No Archive Warnings Apply. Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Sakumo & Kakashi, Sakumo & Obito. Canon div, dogteeth!kk, Hidden Cloud Village worldbuilding, Identity Shenanigans, Secret Identity, anbu!obito, enemies to friends to lovers

Tensions are running high between Kumo and Konoha. Between the targeting of the Hyuga clan for their Byakugan and an unknown ANBU running interference on missions, their tentative alliance is strained and war is just one slip-up away. Not wanting any part in this, Obito is dragged into it anyway when he's given a mission to find out who instigated the attack. Instead, he gets more than he bargained for when a certain Kumo-nin lies in wait on the other side of Kamui. OR: Due to extenuating circumstances, Kakashi grows up in Kumo and decides that this strange, masked ANBU skulking around his village would make for a fun distraction from his boredom.

[dove's notes: I really enjoyed the dynamics here. obito is bamf but also an idiot. kakashi is bamf but also an idiot. so canon dynamic, pretty much. also identity intrigue, worldbuilding, this fic is full of good stuff.]

5. Truth and what it takes (and what it gives) - 11K, COMPLETE

M, Graphic Depictions of Violence. Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, TW for mentions of suicide/suicidal ideation, Hurt/Comfort, Blood & Gore

"Kakashi's pupils are wide and fixed, like those of dead animals. The Uchiha has never seen him with that expression before. Obito wonders if he’s dreaming it, then he notices the metallic edges around his frame. The sink. A mirror. He’s looking through Kakashi’s eyes."

[dove's notes: very good relationship study of obkk during kakashi's anbu era, and the writing style is riveting. Dark, so not for fluff fans.]

[ayy-junipei]

You know what I'm gonna go on a little rant. I think a lot of zine organisers are being a bit too elitist, perfectionist, and snobbish when it comes to a zine.

Like they care more about getting high-level artists and profit and forgot that zines aren't supposed to be on the same level as a published comic.

Like just the other week I saw a TF charity zine that piqueueueued my interest, but the zine made very clear that low-level artists could only create OC art. Then I find out from someone else that these would be crammed onto a few pages... brother what? Brother that is not inclusive

If you want to be inclusive to low level artists, telling them they can only draw with an OC squimched on a page with a few others is no bueno. That's the equivalent of the Titanic cramming all the poor people below deck with 10 people to a bed.

I ended up not applying to that zine because despite the time they put into writing their rules on submissions and levels of skill: they hadn't chosen a charity yet. That just gave me the major ick. Like the charity is an afterthought, you just need to get talent into the zine first?

I've also seen other zines filter artists based if they've ever done NSFW art or followed NSFW artists. It's always important to filter for safety of the community. But that's for artists who have done actual wrong, like harass other artists, trace other people's art, that sort of thing. Its not on you to cast God's judgement if someone has a kink you don't like. Filtering artists to fit your sensibilities is what publishers and puritans do.

I've been in 5 non-profit and charity zines, plus I donated a few of my comic strips to a community effort to get newbies into making zines. People loved them. I even got to collab with a great artist to make a super unique piece. And you guys know me, my art is bad on purpose, I celebrate ugly.

Ok time to wrap this all up. If you're making a zine and want to include low-level artists, don't tell them they can only draw sardines so you can pack them in a can. Pick the charity for your charity zine before the talent. Zines are fun first, profit second. Here have a rat in a teacup.

[kitnita]

what do you do when giffing non-white players to keep from whitewashing them?

so! first of all, the non-white player i gif the most is obviously robo. every human person's skin looks different — what i do for him him won't work exactly for every person you want to gif, but i think generally that there is no one kind of coloring that works universally on every person in every video or clip or whatever. i'm advocating for not whitewashing non-white players, but i'm also advocating for letting everyone's skin look like Their Skin.

second of all, i love a stylized coloring, but mine usually focuses on enhancing the warm tones in people's skin. so: my exact advice may not fit everyone's preferred style. even if what i do doesn't work with what you like to do, i hope talking through my process helps someone figure out how to go about finding what will work with their style.

third of all, this is my second time ever putting together a photoshop tutorial so please bear with me. the actually informative part has a lot of text & screenshots & gifs, so it's below the cut!

i guess to illustrate what i meant in my first post on this subject, i'm going to use a coloring i saved from a fairly distinctively colored otter gifset from last season & show how it would look if i tried using it for robo unchanged.

the spots where the harsh locker room light bounces off the high points of jake's face are very obvious with this kind of coloring. the contrast is high — he's wearing a dark color in front of a dark background, so even though my coloring enhances the warm tones in his face, there's a lot of 'white' coming through his skin.

here's an unedited screenshot of the same postgame, just to show how much this coloring makes the already-harsh locker room lighting even harsher:

& here's a screenshot from jason's most recent media availability, which i'll be using as my example here:

they're pretty similar shots! both guys are wearing a dark color and are looking in the same direction so the light is hitting their faces in about the same spots. the locker room lighting washes both of them out, but it's still clear that robo's skin has a deeper & warmer tone than otter's. the spots where the light hits the high points of his face don't read as white, whereas the bridge of otter's nose & apple of his cheek do. jason doesn't have significantly darker skin than jake, but it's noticeable that they don't have the same skin tone.

now, here's the coloring from the gifset applied to both clips at the same point as the above screenshots:

the difference isn't as noticeable now!! the shadows on robo's face have a deeper tone, but the 'white' points on his face are much more pronounced. if i use the color picker on the white on both of their cheeks, the colors i get are way more similar than they should be.

to fix this, i'm going to first look at the group labeled 'base,' which is just the set of basic adjustments i do to every clip before going in for more fun coloring. even when i'm reusing a previous coloring psd, i typically do a new 'base' group for every clip so it can be as tailored as possible. the ice doesn't always look the same in in-game clips, the lighting isn't always the same in every locker room, etc.

the first screenshot above is robo with the same base as the original otter gifset had, and the second screenshot is with a custom base. the levels & vibrance are practically the same. the main difference between the two is that in the second screenshot, i did not touch the color balance, and did add a selective color layer where i made adjustments to white, which can be seen in the screenshot. additionally, in the first screenshot brightness is at a +15 when it's at a +10 in the second.

here's what the rest of the coloring looks like on top of that base:

and he's less whitewashed!! the coloring is still obviously & intentionally not true to life, but it doesn't wash jason out as much. the high points of his face don't reflect the harsh locker room lighting as white, which allows his skin tone to read as deeper without touching my more 'fun' stylized coloring.

final steps that i take for any gif before i post it:

adjust the speed. most movements look too fast if you leave the speed as-is, so for media availabilities i'll typically slow it to 80%; for clips taken during games i'll slow it to 75% unless i want it more slowed down & then drop it to 65%.

then i adjust the image size — tumblr's preferred width is 540, so for a wide gif that's what i use.

once the image size has been adjusted, i'll add my actions overtop layer 1 of the video group, which is just the clip.

the final products:

i'd say both gifs still look pretty distinct — you can tell they were made by the same person using the same coloring techniques. but robo's frankly insanely clear skin has a deeper tone than otter's, as it should! it's distinct and stylized without making robo look whitewashed. he also doesn't look so different from otter that it would stand out from the rest of my gifs if this was the default coloring i always used for media availabilities.

it takes some extra steps to make the same coloring used for white players work for non-white players … but honestly not that many extra steps, and it's so worth the effort!!! i hope this was at all helpful but if you have any more questions please feel free to send them my way <3

[anticidic]

Can I ask from this ask game for Soukoku (all of the questions)? Thanks 🧁

https://www.tumblr.com/comingfromastatechampionasshole/119898100247?source=share

hi anon!! this looked fun, so I decided to do it 😊

1. Which one is the better cook

Chuuya. Dazai wouldn't know good eats even if it hit him upside the head. Dazai would try to cook, but he set off the smoke alarm not just once, but twice, and the last time he burnt their food beyond edible. I think Dazai would still try to hone his skills when Chuuya wasn't around.

2. What their love letters look like

Lowkey, I think Dazai would send a fake letter and then a really passionate letter full of him waxing poetic. The man gets caught up in his head too much and for too long, and it'd show in his writing where he fails to voice how he feels. You feel like you're reading someone's diary. The fake letter is to irritate Chuuya and pretend like he doesn't care about sappy love letters.

Chuuya, I think would be more straightforward and just say like, he went to the park and crossed over a bridge and it reminded him of the time they were there at night together looking up at the stars.

3. Which one outlives the other, and how they cope

I feel like Dazai would outlive Chuuya? It doesn't even have to be tragic, but taking elements from his canon self, I feel like after finding the one and settling down, he'd dread dying and his inner resolve would keep him alive.

He'd look like he was coping extremely well, or look completely unfazed by Chuuya's passing—the jokes go on, he continues annoying those around him. But then he goes home, it's just him and the four walls and a bed too big for just him, and it's cold. He talks to himself into the late hours nursing multiple glasses of alcohol and it goes on like that until dawn. He's avoidant of anything that reminds him of Chuuya at first because he stuffs every damn emotion down instead of letting them out, and he can feel that tiny crack going down the length of his face and splitting him open day-by-day.

Then, he's getting ready for another day and he goes into their closet that's now become entirely his, and he reaches for gloves because it's below freezing, and he accidentally grabs Chuuya's. The tears come because it's the final straw. And they don't stop.

But also taking parts of canon into consideration, I feel like Chuuya would have a shorter lifespan because of eventual corruption side effects catching up to him as he got older.

4. What they do on date night

Dazai would like doing something cozy, like ordering food and a movie in, but he gets roped into nights out at luxury restaurants, or to take a walk around a temple because Chuuya insists he needs fresh air.

5. How many kids they'll have

I can see them having two 👀 Dazai's the one really wanting the second

6. How they decorated their bedroom

Dazai's very minimalistic. Maybe a framed photo or two, a little lamp on the nightstand, and books he cycles through. Probably has a mini pile of clothes by the foot of the bed because he was late to work that morning. Chuuya wouldn't be as minimalistic, but you could tell he put thought and care into the decorations and how high quality the things he has are. A shoe rack for all his shoes to neatly line up on. A standing mirror by the dresser. Framed artworks hung up on the walls. A large bed with a lot of pillows and the bedding high quality.

7. Which one is the worse driver

Dazai, no contest. Chuuya will force Dazai out of the driver's seat if he has to.

8. What they argue about

Really stupid things. Like, Dazai not restocking the toilet paper. Chuuya forgetting to put his phone on silent when it rings on the nightstand at five am. Chuuya losing his mind over the fact his pack of cigarettes is slowly going down and he doesn't remember smoking so much, but it's really Dazai stealing them.

9. Which one swears more

Chuuya swears more out loud, but Dazai either swears in his head or to himself. Dazai will be sipping coffee at the table when he suddenly hears a loud, "Fuuuuuuck!" down the hall, and he goes to see what's up. But it's just Chuuya crumpled to the floor rubbing his foot because he stubbed his toe on the door. Then Dazai walks away.

Dazai will joke that Chuuya needs to wash his mouth out with soap, but he doesn't actually care that Chuuya swears.

10. What TV shows they watch together, and which ones they hide from the other

I think they'd be really into watching gritty shows or shows that have heists as a theme? The action would reel them in. But separately, I can see Dazai being into dumb reality shows because he "likes to make fun of how stupid people are" but he's really into them, and Chuuya likes cooking shows or animal documentaries.

11. What their first impression was of each other

Chuuya thought Dazai was a fucking idiot and actually couldn't stand him. (Rightfully so) And Dazai made it his mission to get under Chuuya's skin, and now whoops, look how they got here. A very push-pull relationship.

12. What they do for their anniversary

Dazai downplays it and acts cool when he casually suggests they go away to another part of Japan or they go down to Odaiba at night to walk along the pier and then dine by the water. He also got them a nice hotel room so it can just be them. Chuuya wasn't even really sure what to do, he was just gonna get a gift and take Dazai out.

13. Which makes a bigger deal of birthdays

I think Dazai would make a big deal about Chuuya's birthday, but not care about his own. Chuuya would dislike being reminded he's not only the older of the two of them, but he's getting older faster than he recalls the days going by like seconds. Dazai will joke about it, too, but he sprinkles in niceties like getting Chuuya a new pair of gloves.

14. What nicknames they call each other

I can't see them calling each other couple names honestly—I think they'd eventually come up with something only they understand/something stupid for one another. (I will say, Dazai thought he was hallucinating the first time Chuuya called him Osamu instead of Dazai, though.)

15. What they would change about each other

Chuuya would change Dazai's terrible habit of leaving messes everywhere, and Dazai would change how Chuuya hogs the bed and snores like a roaring machine.

[kwamiwayzz]

Jeckole Yapping

Had to dig through my old posts to find the template, but I'm bored and doing this again but for Jecka and Nicole this time. Mostly headcanons and such below

__

• When or if I started shipping it:

I'm going to be honest, but I don't remember. I only got into Co09 a few months ago. All I know is that once I watched the out of context videos on Class of '09 and Re-Up, I wanted more content of them and came across a lot of really good fanart and fanfic.

I think there were a lot of boxes checked off when I slowly went down the rabbit hole lol. There's an emotionally constipated dark-girl paired with a preppy blonde girl who acts as the former's foil. I think what really drew me into them, fanart aside, were the foils and parallels between them. The codependency, expanded upon by Progman, was probably the final nail that dragged me down the brainrot.

• My thoughts:

I've known about them for awhile, and thought they were some random white girls in a cult classic VN that somehow regained a surge of popularity last year. I didn't know the VN was relatively new, and most of the time when I do ship Jeckole, it's without the creator in mind. They have a certain flavor to them that hits in a way where I can't stop brainrotting over them.

Someone mentioned this in a fic comment, but they see them as foils when it comes to dealing with people and the world around them--where Nicole acts as this snarling animal that will bite you if you get too close, while Jecka acts as this wall that doesn't allow things to get to her even if it does bother her. In a way, they envy each other for that, and after reading that fic it reinforced why their dynamic is one that I gravitate towards compared to the others. They have pieces of each other that they're missing and they can't live without the other (I love codependent Jeckole).

• What makes me sad about them:

In-game, they probably wouldn't last after high school when they go their separate ways. As much as Nicole sees Jecka as a slightly more "special" person to her than most people at the school, their friendship is more for convenience--with Nicole finding Jecka to be more tolerable and cool compared to everyone else (along with the added bonus of not being a loner), and Jecka finding Nicole more fun to hang around with than all her other school friends despite knowing how much Nicole is a fucked up mess and bad influence. In-game Nicole is also someone who would continue to keep everyone at an arm's length and also wouldn't fight too hard (outside of the Jecka and counselor smoking scene) to maintain any meaningful relationships once they're out of her reach.

But also, who cares what the creator thinks because fanart and fanfic exists lmaoooooo.

• What makes me happy about them:

There's a scene in Flip Side where Nicole calls Jecka first thing in the morning at 7am asking her where McDonald's keeps their frozen patties, only for Jecka to say they don't have them because McD serves breakfast during those hours. Then Jecka calls Nicole stupid, and I just found that scene funny in an oddly comforting way.

Nicole is comfortable enough to bug Jecka and wake her up so early in the morning for something so mundane, while Jecka just stays on the phone listening to whatever antics she's in instead of hanging up immediately and going back to bed. I also mentioned this in another post, but someone on Twitter said the thing they love most about Jeckole is how Nicole was willing to get to know Jecka even after saying she has no desire to make any connections at her new school. It can be interpreted as a convenience thing on Nicole's end, but every route in the original game has her willing to either ask for Jecka's name or share her name when they first meet.

To me, their back and forth dynamic keeps them balanced enough to stay fucked up with the potential of becoming well-adjusted in the future.

• Things done in art/fic that annoys me:

There's a number of interpretations when it comes to the Co09 characters, so I understand it can be hard to write them. But for me personally, I'm not a fan of when Nicole is depicted as either way too nice and uncharacteristically soft or way too mean and following the stereotypical SBN interpretation that "Nicole doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything".

• Things I look for in art/fic:

When they're codependent :) or when they're codependent with a slight chance of them getting healthier over time. Also, just them being stupid together.

I'm also one of the few people (I haven't come across too many others yet) that seek out future Jeckole stuff. Whenever I picture them as adults, it's always aurawra21's art in mind.

• Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

I'm a monoshipper when it comes to Class of '09, so probably no one. It adds to that codependent flavor :) but if you want a real answer...

For Nicole, probably Emily.

For Jecka, probably Emily also.

• My happily ever after for them:

Moving out of their town, healing from their trauma, and getting healthier over time. Maybe they won't be better people exactly, but they'd at least be less fucked up and a little happier (with Nicole finding some will to keep living past 30) after cutting off their toxic families.

• What is their favorite activity?: 

Nicole forcing Jecka to watch Mythbusters and How It's Made with her (in exchange for watching Smallville and Charmed with Jecka). Also, probably smoking together, assuming that Jecka hasn't quit her smoking habit ten years later.

[br4inr0tx]

Here we go with another match, this time for 🐻 Anon!

Another note, yes I’ve been gone for like two months.. Halloween season is a busy season for me every year since my dumbass decided to become a scare actor. Even better, I got sick right after! Yay! Now I’m back, I’m going to go on a marathon and get all the matches in my inbox out of the way.

TW - Toxic Replationships, Forced Affection, Torture, Guns, and Knives.

Your Boyfriend to Death matchup is… REN HANA !!

• This may have been an obvious one, but I think Ren is the best for you!

• Ren’s type is generally alt people. Anyone into nerd culture regarding media series definitely catch his attention first. Seeing an artsy, pinky person like you immediately makes him have heart eyes for you. I guess you could say he just wants an anime looking bf/gf/partner. Since you fit in that category, you got him pretty easily!

• Hazzah! You’re taller than him! Don’t think he’ll let you get away with bullying him about it. He’s a little bit self conscious, and will most likely punish you with the shock collar for it.

• As I mentioned before, Ren is a sucker for cute things. Seeing anything cute, especially something from you, can pull on his heartstrings. If you wear any anime related stuff, or even those Japanese lolita dresses, he’s going head of heels.

• He loves putting you and/or helping you pick in certain outfit. As you’d expect he loves seeing you in anime character cosplays, or just anything cute. Seeing you in lingerie is a special treat.

• Now uh.. about the bear thing. He might get mad jealous because as a beastkin fox, he’s nothing close to a bear. He might get a little lowkey offended, but it’s probably him just being bratty. He’ll get over it.. maybe.

• Unfortunately for you, Ren likes bringing up and doing the things you hate and fear, just to provoke you when you’re not feeling your best. Those little reminders showing you he’s in control are his favorite.

• While he’s mostly cheery, Ren seems to have the ability to go from 0 to 100 REALLY quickly. Some people might consider him the nicest out of all the candidates in BTD, but I like to think he’s equally as dangerous as the rest of them.

• Ren is calm when listening to you, which is good, although most of the time when you seek advice he recommends killing. Please don’t listen to him, or else he might invite his friend Lawrence over for a little fun.

• He thinks you’re super creative! All of your art makes him mesmerized. His form of art comes in the form of snuff films mostly, but I think he has a decent hand at art too.

• Ren most likely listens to anime intros, or alt electronic pop music. Think MSI or And One. I can see him vibing with your music though!

• He gives you all the sweets in the world to fulfill your sweet tooth, unless you’re bad for him. In that case he forbids you from sweets.

• He tends to talk about how much he loves you a lot. Uniquely for him, I feel like he’s the most loving out of all the guys. You tend to be high maintenance, and need reassurance, he’s your guy to remind you all the time of his love.

• He forces you to be close to him a lot. He’s always touching you, not always in hugs and kisses. Even having his claws a little ways into your flesh gives him the power boost he needs.

• Oh.. you like being abused? You already know loves fulfilling all of your naughty desires, exactly how you want them. Beg and cry all you want, once you make any sign at him for him to start, there’s no off switch until he’s says done.

• Ren is a little clinging and teasing. Like a fox, he’s sneaky and isn’t always truthful. He’s a king of manipulation, but.. this is what you wanted. I’m sure you’ve told him yourself, and now? He’s NEVER letting you go.

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

hour in brass... 2!!!

hour in brass…. 2!!!

oh my god anticipatory simulation processor is like the funniest possible starting charm. simply predict whether your action will have an effect

similarly threat anticipation matrix is just "but your surprise attack failed.. because I already knew you were there" which seems a simple effect but i dont think ive seen before in intelligence

hundredfold contingency subprocessor, however, is usually just called "an anxiety disorder". but HUS: Perpetual Mastermind Engine is called "absolute vindication"

oh man lightning archive processor: ambient competence compiler lets you slurp those lore backgrounds up. is that the same speed as solars or whoever?

ooh institutional analysis protocal: stochastic fault diagnostics is interesting. base charm lets you ask questions about an organization, submodules lets you detect when someone goes off script

oh instructive simulation needle… matrix kung fu upload. with catechism encoder it includes intimacies

clarified data assimilator consists of thousands of brain spides scuttling throughout your nervous system… fortunately youve got such high clarity that this doesnt bother you

fkdsjhsf semantic memory encryption lets you lock up memory of a language so you dont have to listen to influence made in that language

ineffable godhead conduit… starmetal and orichalcum antenna extend from the alchemical's skull like a crown. oh whoa this is really fun, gives you a long term project to track

iiiiim going to very vaguely skim the craft charms. love and light

theoplastic engineering protocol, deploy nanomachines to reshape autochthonia. neat! the world, like clay

djdsjdsk multifunction hypodermic apparatus: remote rescue drone. that post about how sakura vaccinated naruto even if she had to get him with a blowdart

biostasis field projector… sleepytime. i think there should be a submodule to use this on yourself

theurgic override matrix. every splat should have a version of this charm it rules. adds to social attempts with particular occult beings, and/or gives you diplomatic immunity

demiurge access key is a ripping name!!! persuades machine spirits and automatons, which i ned to know more about machine spirits to rotate properly

ontological anchor assembly is also just a great name. lot of anti shaping effects here. up to god-ward projector

ooh, machine-prophet engrams… give a machine spirit a task. guessing this is the same flavor of relationship infernals will later have with demons. it gets some nice bennies too. oh and with chaos-ordering nomen they can command fae

wargame simulation matrix…

omnistrategic contingency protocol, plus the revelation that you already had reinforcements coming

theurgic essence capacitor… im really enjoying the physicality of all these

manipulation! which starts with rogue cell isolation protocols: "The Alchemical’s eyes are rimmed with chrome and soulsteel plating, turning her steely gaze into a hall of mirrors filled with tortured souls." like jesus christ. ad the submodules on this one are really fucked up

societal engineering signal is a really good name for a charm. and conceptual entropy module is a really good name for a submodule

transcendent brutality programming. soulsteel needles running along the alchemicals spine retract inward, suspending her sense of empathy. im like making little machine noises with my mouth as i read all this

kjsdhksdjgf infrasonic dread projector. just give someone an inexplicable feeling of dread, within long range. really really really funny

oh my god the submodules on covert communion apparatus. ourrrrrr groupchat

propaganda transmission relay… im really having fun with how nobody knows that the manipulation charms are you

AAA COMPLIANCE ASSURANCE DRONE AAAAAA "The Alchemical implants a miniaturized drone within a victim’s nervous system to monitor compliance with her commands and punish deviation from her orders." AAAAAAA "the drone detonates" AAAAAAA all the submodules are really scary AAAAAAAAA

ah, and the classic personality override spike

living engram override… a soulsteel stud in the alchemicals tongue… leading into MIND DESTROYING PATTERN GENERATOR. holy hell.

sdkfns empathy simulation engine…

synthetic personality subroutine also called "masking"

i like to have a faceless metal mask. i like to trigger instinctive fears.

evidence alteration effectuators… i just need more effectuators. i like that theophany simulation array lets you frame spirits and shit

ooh perception gets an offense tree…

dedicated harmonic targeting is really funny. fuck weaving your missile around cover just phase your arrow through it

YESSSS TACTICAL ANALYSIS ENGRAMS i looove to ask a question

MOTION TRACKING RETICULE? i love a reflexive aim and its a really fun condition for it, really flavorsome

wow perception really wants me to snipe. multisnipe at long range, snipe someone outta hiding

really funny to have both recursively fractal and all-inclusive targeting calculations

huh… optical enhancement: soulgem transponder overlay specifically spots and identifies soulgems

tympanic receptor nodes: signal interception routine lets you overhear prayers and shit

tactical! laser! security grid!

oh magnetoreceptive guidance system is interesting…

yesss mobile sensory drone… i wanna build a guy whos just like absolute mega drones

sdjsdjks sensory overcharge injctor popping a spent cartridge out a port in your skull is SOOOOO good

"clarified psychodynamics" is a great fucking phrase

wait so is heresy detection scanners. and i always love it when an intimacy penalizes guile

i like ocular threat assessment. i like that you can shovel talk people. i like that checking whether theyre actually hostile to YOU is a submodule

behavioral profile library says A rapid-access disk in the Alchemical’s brain sifts through the evidence to better understand her suspect. The subtle whir of the spinning disk makes her deep attention obvious." and i think that many of you will be horny about this. also its a fun bunch of effects

imperfection analysis module ruuuules i fucking LOVE to find a flaw in your form and then help you train about it. and IAM: incisive critique calculations lets you include it as a social roll

huh! empathic espionage safeguards is an interesting effect, instead of opposing RIs with guile you can just race them with your own RI, or profile character

machine-mind hyperprocessor. aka me leaving any conversation

multiphase divinity regulator is a fun name for the dematerial attack charm… oh fun that it lets them hit you back

hi folks. its been a long week. but its time for HOUR IN BRASS

for those just joining us, a new exalted splat is being released; when this happens, i usually lose my shit and liveread through the charms; this time it's the alchemical exalted, golem-robot-communists inside the belly of the machine god autochthon. if you wish to avoid this, you will blacklist #hour in brass

first third of charms:

Howdy Mother Fuckers. its time for HOUR IN BRASS

starting with: the horniest chapter fiction so far

the alchemical paradigm is that you have only so many charm slots for active charms at a time, but that most charms have submodules that add on without taking more slots. they have to swap charms in and out with the rite of reconfiguration. their dice limit is Ess+Attribute BUT one of their biggest charms is going to make their math oh whatever here it comes

TRANSPUISSANT ATTRIBUTE UPGRADE aka transpussy assribute ultima. which raises your resting attribute by 1, starts to stack at higher essences, and comes with a load of submodules to let you swap what attributes are used for what. god im fucking excited to have these around. unwavering sniper calibration to snipe with perception, for example

actually they have a lot of wacky universal charms about integrating with hearthstones, artifacts, stuff like that. robots be customizing bodies. i do want to point out vat surrogate reweaving system, which lets you speed-swap charms once between reconfigurations. i read it and immediately thought camilla hect Go Loud and started cackling

yes alchemicals can still go colossus and eventually turn into cities. though metropolis play is not mechanically supported

ok appearance. starting with radiant iconography array: anima holograms, but they do stuff like become realistic illusions or huge legendary size stuff

emotive aesthetics of the body electric naturally bangs

patriotism-provoking display has many-is-one node and one-is-many node as submodules, whihc are fun

universal advisor comportment is fun, makes you feel sagacious and advisorly

beguiling aestheic perfection is fun, when you socially affect someone they suffer trying to beat your guile for the rest of the scene. i have suffered this irl many times

pheromone regulation system… i cannot make any jokes about this that arent crass. i once knew someone who was turned on by the smell of xbox exhaust

man the submodule tech is really realyl nice. this is a great fucking way for charms to work. you can flashbang people with blinding strobe projector and then on top of that you can choose to enter stealth, steal more initiative, or make it rainbow

its really interesting to me that appearance is getting so many teacherly charms. with illuminating inspiration beacon "The Alchemical’s faith in her students shines through in every aspect of her neon-limned visage"

damn, and from there is psyche-stabilizing beacon, where you radiate such comfort that it helps people resist brain curses

theotropic veneration mantle rocks. project a principle to the exclsuion of others, and those who share the principle see you as a holy figure

i sort of hate glistering obsession nodes. i dont want to glister. it makes people obsessed with me if they can't figure me out

ooh, disguises in appearance subterfuge. including stuff to appear human, or as a dfferent exalted

optical shroud, a classic, predator invisibility

apocryphal operative halo is really interesting, MIB neuralyzer

semiotic flare projector is a really cute concept. almost as cute as supreme icon of battlefield glory. when you kick ass on the battlefield your troops love it, and you can make your enemies hate it, and at e4 you can project it over the entire battlefield

alright, charisma. starting with effective leadership algorithm, both a great example of alchie flavor and of submodule tech bc its just a menu of submodules that let you decide what kinda rolls you use it on, whether youre using faction-building unity or overriding authority mode

oh synergy promoting upgrade is interesting. helps with bureaucracy if youre leadering, gets better if your group likes you, SPU: communal supremacy makes it better if its for a community, SPU: lifestyle cooperation paradigm makes your group like each other

hdkfghdfjsg universal authorization chevron. the cool s. intuitively recognized as a symbol of authority. UAC: axiomatic emblem means even gremlins/fae/undead recognize you with wary deference. UAC: perfected delegation emblem lets you hand out copies to deputies

heresy declaration beacon, lets fucking go

radiant emblem of integrity is interesting… if you speak the complete truth everyone knows that its the complete truth, and it can also authenticate replays of events projected with radiant iconography array. also if you tell the truth and it sucks, gain wp. fantastically built charm. oh the submodule lets you make it permanent and mandatory

electric fervor inspiration is a set of orichalcum electrodes implanted behind the alchemical's jaw. thats fucked up. oh it lets you reset social rolls thats differently fucked up

battle anthem of the alchemical exalted! made it in! oh this is just a menu of songs thats super neat. including thousand work shifts ballad… and double music

similarly with programming language eloquence "A breaker between the Alchemical’s frontal and temporal lobes filters unnecessary emotion from her communications…" im really having fun with this

damn propaganda interdiction signal: void-quelling chastisement means that gribblies can't call on principles to resist your influence to hangout with mortals

something about vox populi broadcast really compels me. its just a charm to speak loudly but you can submodule it to communicate only with allies or to cut through magical silence.. and its speakers implanted in your throat

ideological override circuitry…

FEAR OVERRIDE DEVICE in warfare

homeguard reinforcement clarion… whip up that militia

dexterityyyy okay we're getting into the combat charms now

omg magnetic subdual coils to steal weapons. including a pulse blaster submodule, field projector, magnetron…

protosynthetic ammunition replicator, as expected, but thankully it is reloaded with "an articulated metal tendril". & btw dispersive flash-chaff cluster to make it a flashbang arrow, fulminating conduction charge to make it a stun arrow, concussive overpressure warhead to make it a knockdown, airburst grenade

being able to group all the "fast attack" charms in one place is fun, the submodules have a cute menu of extra ways to use it

damn, blinding velocity actuator upgrades you to a surprise attack if youre fast enough?

i like that gear-driven reflex automation is, past all the prereqs and flavor lines and stuff, exactly one line of charm. and then some fun submodules. wait damn withering counterattck at e3, with tactical reaction matrix

hacking multistrike accelerator to "enact pre-programmed motions" in pursuit of… erm… well… ok wait forget that this is a really cool charm. doesnt use all your initiative on the decisive, this feels like itd be real fun to fuck with espcially with the submodules

dsjksdks subluminous onslaught: kinetic launch catapult lets you like launch a fucking sword to short range. or your fists

ESSENCE PULSE CANNON. lets fucking go. again the submodules are really cool: concussive, focused, precision, de hey. Sieve Devastator Mode. its sheer heft provides her with heavy cover

skjfdsf autonomous assault processors makes (Dex-2) attacks, but dont forget you could be augmened enough for that to be 4 attacks at e2 anyways, 5 at e3 (if i remember the TAU rules right).

oh shitt transmodal rapid targeting system, bend that bullet. psychokinetic vectors. sdhksdfs this damage calculation is really funny. damn this is fully just children of the sun or whatever that game was. epic

TRANSFINITE ULTRAVIOLENCE DRIVE. time stands still. and then you bank attacks, which seems really fun. shjdskf and TUD: omnitactical processing core lets you add more withering attacks on top

oh huh accelerated response system: unwavering precision lets you not take onslaught if you successfully defend against lower init enemies. thats probably not that strong but it feels strong

casualty-minimizing equations is a damn good name

perfectly parallel defensive geometry…

oh light-etched interceptor barrier is fun. roll parry instead of static. and essence absorption screen lets you eat energy attacks with it

autonomous defensive drones AERIAL! actually theyre more like murderbot drones, they orbit and defend you. … damn, they cant be withered and theyve got almost as many hls as a starting character, theyre a pain to take out. their DO Parry is (Dex+1) so they're like fantastic for ranged fighters who dont parry or dodge

precalculated evasion system lets you bank dodge successes… kind of like light-etched interceptor but not. really interesting. hey what its simple?

omnisituational evasive equation is a fantastic name. ts the perfect dodge. OEE: hyperspatial geometry is really fun

cyclical velocity treads! heelies!!!

and then theres… oil slick dispenser nozzles… in your calves. i love wacky races

momentum-charged overdrive engine is a bangin name… a preprogrammed sequence of combat acrobatics

inclding jet boosters in optimized pursuit accelerator… ts really funny that al these red jade rush charms are also like "ugh fine you can also use these to run away if you have to"

transphase engine… walk through fucking walls

sjdflskdf digital precision effectors splits open your fingertips

covert telemetry mode…

counterharmonic scatter system is just like a really fun charm name. im having a lot of fun with charm names. displaces the sound of you

sdjlfsdf flicker-flare launchers are a flashbang to just immediately enter concealment

ooh matchless assassin protocols… reflexively stealth after a disengage or distract

hyperdextrous tentacle apparatus. can someone get astrakiseki on the phone

total perception negation field. if you see me no you didnt. ending, of course, in unseen deathblow calibration

and thats the first third. im like getting really alchemicalpilled rn. its hot

[bacchuschucklefuck]

Can you expand on what you mean by Baron being "too cool" to really fit a horror monster? It's a very interesting concept and I'd love to hear your thoughts. Is it that they're too active/involved/tangible and it detracts from their scariness?

I feel like I should preface this with a wall of disclaimers lmao 1/I am a hardcore, down-to-the-marrow, avid, deeply sincere horror enthusiast, esp. horror creatures. this usually means my mileage is vastly different from the average populace's, and my scaredy bone has been disintegrated by longterm exposure. most things in a piece of horror media won't scare me! so I practically never use that on its own as the scale to talk abt horror experiences, but when something does scare me it's always a special occasion to be treasured. 2/canon d20 is never really meant to be horror horror, and for good reasons: it doesn't fit the company's output, it takes a kind of carelessness in production estimation that is always a huge risk, it's often vulnerable in a way that kinda goes against how TTRPGs usually facilitates vulnerability, and for most people it's just! stressful! d20, even with the "horror-themed" seasons, generally just plays with horror tropes and stays focused in its goal of being a comedy improv tabletop theater show. 3/fantasy high's chosen system is DnD, which as I've mentioned before is before all a combat-based game system, which means the magic circle of play is drawn based on stats that facilitate and prioritize combat. want or not this affects every interaction you have in the game, and given fantasy high's concept from the ground up (everyone's going to school of DnD stuff to get better at DnD) it's doubly relevant. 4/This Is Fine I have no quarrel with this. my meters are internal, I do not ask this show to be anything it doesn't advertise itself to be, and what it is is fucking great! I like it! when I expand on this ask's question it will be like a physicist going insane in a lab. that's the mindset we're going in with.

disclaimers done. my stance on horror as a genre is that it's a utility genre rather than a content genre or a demographic genre; it is the discard of narratives. it's the trash pile. horror, above being scary, is about being ugly and messy, it's the cracks on the ground any story inevitably steps over to stay a genre that isn't horror. the genre's been around long enough to develop a codex and a general language that medias and makers and enthusiasts of the genre can use to talk about and build onto, but if you go into individual pieces there's really no unifying Horror Story. one person's beautiful life can be another's horror story, it's just how it is.

this makes The Monster a deeply intriguing piece of the genre. thing is a monster is in a decent percentage of any story - it's just when the antagonist force steps into something past a certain line traced out in the story's world. monstrousness is in pretty much every western fantasy story, it's in any story with a hero and something to vanquish or win; more than anything it's a proxy of that thing up there. the line in a narrative's world. the monster is the guard of the unknown lands, where heroic, civilized people don't tread.

what does this mean in the context of horror? the genre is about that perceived lawlessness, that "unknown land" so to say. we're in the monster's home. that's the literary context that we often walk into a horror piece with; the monster knows more than you about where you are. it may not understand you, but it holds more information than you, and with that it moves swifter than you, has more covered than you, and is more assured in its existence in this context than you. it's a struggle to catch up to it, it's nigh impossible to get one over it, and you're never sure it'll 100% work, because you just don't have the information necessary to.

with that framing you can kinda see where I'm coming from here: horror's often about the breaking of rules. I always think a monster's most effective when it breaks well-established rules of both existence and visual storytelling. think Possum (2018) or Undertale's Omega Flowey or the Xenomorph Queen - unique change in medium, unique change in graphic, unique change in design language, etc. in that sense I actually really like how canon baron plays out: they don't really function like anything else in the fantasy high universe, the bad kids have not managed to kill them when they've felled literal gods, their domain in fhjy literally introduces new mechanics to encompass their existence! from an experience design standpoint they slap mad shit. BUT! I can't help finding their character, like as a character riz (and the other bad kids, eventually) interact with, to be very... coherent? in design. this is kinda hard for me to articulate in words, it's more often a sense you get once you've looked at enough of these scrumptious fuckers, their general design and the way they show up is just kinda too clean, so to say. always kinda newly made? fresh unboxed. it, once again, makes sense for their lore - they are looking for more about themself from riz - and their function - they're an antagonist in a game experience, they're meant to be interacted with in a way that produces results and meshes with the existing magic circle - but that shininess takes away from the implied history they should have dominion over and the person they're haunting doesn't.

from another angle there is kinda something there about how put-together canon baron is as a concept; the domain they call home is riz's deep-seeded fears, extremely vulnerable things he's drawn borders around to quarantine and refused to walk into. things that from his perspective would irreversibly shatter certain pleasant fictions his world is built on top of. canon baron, While Extremely Cool, I feel is kinda too neat to connect with and signify the apocalyticized mess that'd result from this paradigm shift. the part where they're in riz's briefcase and looking through every mirror is Very Cool And Fucked Up! but ultimately the show draws a line around them as well, by making game-physical, tangible spaces they're in (the mirrors and the haunted mordred manor) and put riz and the bad kids there only when they need to confront stuff. riz is meaningfully narratively away from baron's unknown land for most of fantasy high.

with that and all of my disclaimers in mind my conclusion here is if canon baron wants to be a Horror Monster they'd have to cross way more lines. be a Lot more invasive. hence (holds up my class swap baron like a long cat)

[britneyshakespeare]

Subbing special ed at the middle school slaps. Every class I've had so far is 2-4 students and when we finish the assignment we play Uno